I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
