....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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