did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
