Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize