is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
