she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
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