im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
