Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
