I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
