i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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