K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize