is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
