The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
