he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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