I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Holy sore nipples Batman
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
