So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
