This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
