If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Dear god my vagina.
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