So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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