i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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