the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
