I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
