New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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