Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
