Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
