My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
