Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
