please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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