I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
