dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
