i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
