my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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