i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
