whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
