i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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