LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
