tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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