he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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