Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
