Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
