wat bout pragnant strippers??
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
