he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
