I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i think my cat just said my name.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
