We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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