TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
