he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
