I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
