Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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