my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
how drunk are you?
Several
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
