just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
