I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
