his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
