When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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