i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
