Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
