He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
