you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
