brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
