Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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