god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
