I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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