i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
