He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
